March 6, 2010

Opa (my father) arrived last night and has been doing everything for me and the girls. they are so happy to be with him. second surgery to clear out any additional dead tissue is happening now. she will be out mid-day and i will update then.

WARNING - THE REST OF THIS MORNING'S POST IS VERY EMOTIONAL AND PERSONAL BUT I WANTED TO GET IT OUT. PLEASE SKIP TO PREVIOUS DAYS' POSTS FOR INFORMATIONAL UPDATES

kristen goes into her second surgery this morning, with her open, draining calf. the thigh was red last night. they said likely a skin infection to be confronted during surgery. i fear worse. i fear the bacteria are having their way with her. i fear she will wake from this surgery to find she no longer has a left leg.

these are fears based on incomplete information and faulty understanding. but this is a time for me to gird myself for the worst. each turn is harder than the last. each euphoria drowned out by the flood of bacteria. my mind tries to make pathways through the reality. little detours of thought to distract from the pain. this is shock. this is feeling nothing when everything wants to hurt.

clara just woke up. my little angel upstairs said, "wake up mae, it's a nice sunny day."