March 7, 2010

we aren't out of the woods yet. it's a weird expression but for me it means trunks of steel electronics and tangled branches of tubes and cords. the icu is "the woods" and we are deep in a thicket.

leaving kristen's bedside tonight was hard. she is hooked up, drugged up and beat up. her energy was strong early in the day, but faded at the end. she has a lot of fight in her but she has her moments.

we received positive input from a steady stream of doctors basically confirming that yesterday's mri was "clear". in addition to antibiotics, they started IVIG (IG is for immunoglobin i think) to prevent toxic shock syndrome. TSS is apparently caused by toxins kicked out by the active bacteria and the IG helps the body clear that bacterial waste. this was only a precaution.

despite the good news of the mri last night, we still have no positive indication the bacteria is in retreat. we're kind of in a holding pattern and it's emotionally draining for kristen. her thigh is still red; not much better, not worse. she is scared and tired and i feel inadequate to help her over this hump. tonight i read her all of your well wishes and it helped. please keep them coming, via blog response, email, anything. tomorrow's surgery will tell us much, but there are likely many surgeries to come. a plastic surgery team will attend the procedure tomorrow to assess the job ahead - skin grafts and other reconstruction are expected. for now, we just want the bad out.

the day's big event was clara's birthday (really it's march 8, but today was a better day to celebrate.) opa and i took the girls to church and the priest included kristen in the prayers. though i rarely go to church, kristen wanted this and i was happy to oblige. afterward i went to see kristen and we sat in the icu and joined opa and the girls via skype as clara opened her gifts. it was nice. the girls were really heartened to see mom engaged and alert. they hugged and kissed as best you can through a laptop screen and connected in a way a phone just can't match. kristen lost energy toward the end, but it was a very special moment for the girls. my good friend dirk popped in unannounced from dc and we were delighted. the girls took him and opa to the betsy ross house and played dolls all night.

at dinner i asked my girls if they had any questions about mom. they had many and i gave honest answers.

clara asked, "when is mom coming home?"

it will be a while, but you might get to see her in the hospital next week.

mae asked, "will mom have to use crutches?"

i don't know the answer, but maybe for just a little while and maybe for a long time.

"is mom getting sicker or better?"

she is getting better, mae.